Tuesday, December 27, 2011


'..the beauty of life - the pain never lasts...'

i love how temporary pain is. the reality in which our worlds briefly exist, feels everlasting; and the exaggeration of it all portrays the surrealism of it's being. if you can see the bigger picture, you are capable of underlining the puzzle pieces. the biggest of features start off very subtle and expand into realistic portraits. it's all around us. everything is a heavy load of crap and we can't stand being happy. every waking moment is history in the making. that last hour, is now the past. the mistakes we made last night, should not be considered as early morning issues. why can't we forgive ourselves? why is it so difficult to forgive and love each other? the question is why? why is the love we once shared now lost and forgotten?

the cycle of suffering is endless.

Friday, October 7, 2011

half of you would love to restore shit back to it's original state, but thee other half totally disagrees and wants to forget it all. keep it pushing motherfucker. ego tripping in this motherfucker. looking back on things only delays the expansion process. what the hell does 'moving on' really mean? your mental compass is all tripped up, 'floating in and out of consciousness'.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


i am indeed a really simple minded person. i am not as deep as the ocean floors, nor am i as high as the solar system. everything is really rather simple, depending on which angle you're observing from. teach yourself how to cook. it's as difficult as you're thinking it to be. take that time for yourself. trust me, i am not sure about anything. should we be allowed to ask questions that we can't even answer? what do you believe in? answers are still very skeptical and hesitant. nothing even matters. nothing truly exist. what's the point of anything? none. there is absolutely no point of anything. i've come to an understanding that if my shoe lace is untied, or my hair is unkempt...it really doesn't matter. everything is temporary. make yourself as comfortable as possible while you're here, for it may be lost in the wind any second.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


in emptiness, lie's everything. every answer to every question. every dream, ever dreamed. every motion in every scene. silence is the highest of the high's. what is important? it is so easy to write something, re-read it and quickly scratch it out, with the same utensil you used to begin with. words are the origin of communication and we're all speaking different languages. communication can be so beautiful, even if we can only understand bits and pieces. it works both ways, and in all directions. there are so many things i still wish i could understand. especially the cycles that continuously repeat within my life-time. all answers come from within. the knowledge is there, but the principles are failingg at being applied. so the question is how can we really truly understand if things remain the same? it's all up to us. especially you and I.
am i a horrible person? because i feel like it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

oh joy oh joy

it’s another day on planet earth. far from the birth of my creation but thee whirl holes we’re facing..man things are far from complicated. we just make ‘em seem so…soo…on and on and on. imagination and day dreams can take us to infinite places of peace of mind. nothing is really real. el oh el. what is she saying? what are they telling us? I just hope it all becomes clear because there’s just so much mis(t).(ery).(education).(understanding).(guidance).(interpretation).(conceptions) and it proceeds.,..but donate to my needs and comfort my dis(ease).

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

...'words can not even express
this heavy boulder on my chest
and these panic attacks...fruck I think it's cardiac arrest...'

Saturday, May 21, 2011


pages and pages
chapters and chapters
numbers, definitions, subtleties
serene empty spaces
filled with loving vibrations cycling throughout thought patterns.


uncomfortable positions
undesired manifestations
but that smile...
raises all spirits.

questionable answers,
there are never stupid questions.

thee piano strikes again!
harmonic chords of irrational entities

why of course butterflies are beautiful...
is there any doubt?
sleeping, reading a book, listening to music, or walking around outside really clears my head and takes me away from any recurring negative thought pattern I may have. technology makes me feels the loneliest.

cycle of ___

cycle of it all, often I still find myself second guessing....everything. I know I really need to sit down with myself and ask a series of questions. we're on this quest for nothing and something. the universe acts upon our thoughts, so the point of power is always in the present moment. stop complaining and deal with the truth. often I am so far out of reach, gurus pick up my denial before any mirror can. daydreams searching for 'the god light' and the 'satori' in the middle of Chinatown. wisdom fails to manifest and the knowledge is stranded. your list of desires, dreams, hopes, ceased hearts, start reacting like a chain of domino's..and the feeling that's left is empathetic yet uncertain.

world: daydreamer won't you hurry along. your shoelaces are untidy and you're stranded all alone, on an infinite journey.
any idea...what it is you truly desire?
persona: you see i'm searching for something so uplifting, time itself will no longer exist.
world: my child, sometimes people are closer to the shore than they realize, but sail out farther from their senses.

Monday, May 9, 2011

"what's good with being the one, if you're the only one who knows it?"
_J. cole

Sunday, May 1, 2011

every single day

People should realize how great and truly magnificent they are. You know what really bothers me? The roles our environments, society, and social media play within our lives. The level of influence that takes place within our subconscious, is irrational. We are all born great! There is no doubt about that! At what age does self doubt and feelings of unworthiness start crawling into the picture? History really screwed us up! Everyone of us are victims of victims. Things have to change. Our children are growing up doubting their very greatness because parents/guardians are only reiterating their childhood, leaving one’s full potential a mystery. Imagine how great the world would be, if as children we were taught to love ourselves & in return we were loved unconditionally? Amazingly B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L-L.

hello may 1st

how are you doing? seems as if time is a distant passenger aboard a train. very interesting critter I've come across, but there is still no real connection. when I turn my head, my future romance has disappeared. far out of reach, my conscious starts to preach...

'seems like time is soaring by...
as I stand here, bad posture and all
mistakes aren't subjected to be corrected -
but recognized and separated,
reasonably embraced and transfigured.'

peach tree peach tree peace tree. realize the balance beam in which all bodies are present and restore any abnormalities. I'll love like no other (at least I'll try). the end of twenty-four hour drives are not to be found outside, so keep on cruising.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

until 12am

until the ink runs out -
until the soul is no longer in stitches -
until the pain melts away -
until hope is restored and love is reborn beneath a banana tree.
Happiness is bananas.
Momma said that things will manifest at the right moment!
I will hold on and believe and live for the love within me.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

songs for bitches.

Fruck! I think you’re beautiful. I believe you’re absolutely stunning. Sometimes when i’m stressed or depressed as shit, it’s your illuminating smile I dream of BITCH. I believe you were hand picked and sculpted into perfection, by the universe itself no interception. Everyday I meditate and in my deep form of relaxation, it’s your sweet touch of tenderness that’s so captivating. Teddy pendergrass believed it…’Life is a song worth singing’ and baby my diaphragm is screaming. Al green felt it; A womans love so strong and heart so weak, she snaps and now the casket speaks. But I understand you’re not ready for love, but who’s asking? Bitch I demand your hand in marriage. Now accept this 24 carrot. Excuse my language but you’re driving me crazy. Why aren’t you try’na give me the time of day sweet lady? Maybe I’m not good enough and maybe I should give up - this bitch ain’t try’na share this love up in my cup. FRUCK!

Saturday, March 19, 2011


everyday I'm really trying to hold on but this existence is slipping from my palms.

Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

We deserve to smile.

Having more faith, bigger dreams and designing minds to be happy as we would like them to be. These things aren't impossible. That line we draw in the sand for ourselves that we’re so skeptical of crossing is the only thing that’s holding us back. Our reflection can be our biggest enemy in which we have to overcome.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Silently obsessing over things I can't have.

Silently obsessing over things I want to p-o-s-s-e-s-s.

Anxiously numb.

Anxiously numb.

This is only a temporary tantrum.

Obscene objects mess with the balance beams of direct thoughts.

Hello & Farewell.

Friday, February 25, 2011


Why are you always disappearing?


Cloudy brain filled with clotted veins
why doesn't anyone want to dance slow in the rain?
Cotton mouth when there's not much to say
confused and dazed on this cloudy day.

Woke up staring at the ceiling with
tidal waves running throughout my memories.
That soothing rush of pleasure
knocking over scabs that start to fester.

Some unholy war that we're fighting
a bunch of black knights,
loaded with darker hearts, eyes and fist.
And so fighting began with the flick of a wrist.
Cupids were gutted and hung
while enlightened folks lost their tongues.

What was this great cloud that hung above the world?
Are we beneath or above?
Transcending h-u-m-a-n-s -
Look up in the sky, awaiting the multicolored dove to fly by
and then they'll say their last goodbyes.

Will anyone notice?
I doubt self absorbed greedy monkeys will
so that cloudy feeling they'll contiune to feel.

Friday, February 11, 2011


I see I must the one that suffers the most within this optical lens.
I see I'm the one always on the outside of the inside jokes.
I see I'm not meant to have anyone or anything.
I see that I'm doomed to myself.
As my birth, my reincarnation shall be alone.
I wish there was someone to walk with as I take this journey
But there is no one to hold my hand. (people tend to let go)
Wait! There is this energy that I can't see or feel but it's there.
Something I must believe in, in order to feel wholesome.
Questionable existence constantly floods my mind.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011


an eye for eye and we'll be looking out for each other.
magic wand magic wand rescue my rotten mind.
Tis the fruit we picked from the tree, the tree.
high high high above the monkey bars we swing from vines.
money is no good here.
are we fools?
broke and humble
rich and confused
dream big she yells!
are we sell outs?
sitting there sucking up the air, like an abandoned chair, no remorse lives over here.
each and every eye will watch you die die die, no lie!

Monday, January 17, 2011

competition - competition

yo you better than us?
than me, I, we?
I apologize I can't compete with Beautiful.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Lucid Dreams.

Obsession with wishful thinking
Silent seizures surrenders blinking
Thrust your hips to the sound of
computer clicks -
Imaginary chips -
Click Clack Click Clack
Split Splat Split Splat

Ye solemnly swears that was the last.
Ye fib tellers chow down on glass.

The children have vanished into the night,
no longer at peace with guidelines.
Hum drum drunk towns
We lounge around
To the bass, tambourines and serene colors.
All is love, love is all.

Good Vibes; Good People.

Honestly that’s all you need to have a good time. Time is irrelevant. Live for the moments. Wake up and be hap.pee to see another day. I don’t believe in plans and I make moves based off a ‘feeling’. Be spontaneous. Surprise yourself and other people. LoveLoveLove. Forever love the laughs within the moments, forever love the people your sharing these laughs with and forever love thyself for it all. Everything is JUST. Make due with what you posses and the rest is JUST…

Enjoy & Embrace it all.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Ash Trays.

Garbage cans stay full of semi-used paper towels. Mama threatens not to buy anymore. Flames continuously burn underneath the kettle, while midnight stares out the window. Air is crisp and paper thin. Thoughts ride along the edge of window panes in search of a new home. Ink plays in ten different fingers from evening - until - for.ever. Cellular phones ring not very often, except for the child's which contains voice mails and a couple scattered text. Drug stores, supermarkets and hallways satisfy the little freedom desired. Click, click, click. Routine, routine, routine. Spoons are attached to teacups, and teacups are always letting of steam. Sneezing and freezing are far to familiar. How can chivalry be dead if oven doors are constantly open? They are always amongst these people and these people are outsiders. She prefers light, while she wrestles with the dark. Cyber chats transform into welcome mats and socializing airports. Many different trips are taken in an instant. Dumbbells accumulate cobwebs as well as promises. Locks are turned, eyes are droopy and aches begin to come alive. Volumes are controlled and televisions become silenced. They lay their in a daze, hoping all becomes numb.

Still Here

I've been scared and battered.
My hopes the wind done scattered.
Snow has friz me, sun has baked me.
Looks like between 'em
They done tried to make me
Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'---
But I don't care!
I'm still here.

Written by; Langston Huges

Monday, January 10, 2011

Something In The Air - Thunderclap Newman

Call out the instigators
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Lock up the streets and houses
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Hand out the arms and ammo
We're going to blast our way through here
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together

Saturday, January 8, 2011

2am keen eye.

Serene scene.

Gaze into oblivion sky's, for the beholder lays in thy pupils eyes. The eyes: window to the soul in which the deepest of hallow beliefs live and die in the cornea. Oh how dead beat dreams live to corner ya...

Raisin in the sun basking in thy honey dew, we baked away. We were ready to slit our wrist after falling in love beneath an apple tree. Leaves piled high above our heads, squirrels danced around our magnetic aura. Our dreams were hallucinations. We were tripping in and out of our world and theirs. People chose not to comprehend so they started demolishing our dreams. Destruction began and our little bit of happiness crumbled quick, quick,quickly...

As I lay me down to sleep, I pray our souls try to reach. That place where we were once filled with glee, eternal sunshine on top of we. If we die before we wake, I pray for ever lasting slumber underneath the apple tree for heaven's sake!


Soothing Rhythms Pounce
Cozy Chamomile Tea Leaves
Elements Combine

Anxiety & I.

I am a very anxious person. I'm suffering from depression and anxiety. People just think I'm over-dramatic most of the time and I admit it I can be, but I just panic when pain is around. I am in pain every single day. I go to sleep in pain and wake up in pain. I feel like something is trying to kill me. Everyday I feel like it's the end, I'm kicking the bucket. This is another reason I'm so withdrawn from a lot of things and people. I'm worried all the time. When I'm all the train I'm worried about passing out and ruining other people's day. Sounds crazy I know but I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't want to make people suffer and I don't want people sulking all over my Facebook wall. I'm suffering from a disease that's doing away at me. Besides I'm cynical I don't believe most people just pretend to care. Just today proves it. I wake up and see a missed call so I call back.

Me; Hello
Person: Hello
Person: Are You Alright
Me: I'm fine
Person: But are you ok I heard this blahblah
Me: I'm fine
Person: oh alright. Listen Can I claim you on my income tax?

See people don't really care as they make themselves 'appear' or 'sound'. New Year, same problems. Ollie just face it you are deliriously metal. You need to be evaluated. Doctors think your totally a nut job and that your always on some sort of a drug. It's never drugs. Obviously nothing is actually real it's all just symptoms of schizophrenia. Yes we have a name for it. We'll prescribe you some purple & pink pills and you shall be normal again. Wouldn't you want to fit in? Stop all this non sense. It's all just pathetic excuses on why you can't cope with reality. We all suffering Ollie. You are not the only one. Man up and stop crying like a little baby. Truth hurts doesn't it? ButButBut I'm still alive? It's all still real, right?


Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school. In people with GAD, the worry often is unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person's thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships.

Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school. In people with GAD, the worry often is unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person's thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships.

What Are the Symptoms of GAD?

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

  • Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
  • An unrealistic view of problems
  • Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
  • Irritability
  • Muscle tension
  • Headaches
  • Sweating
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Nausea
  • The need to go to the bathroom frequently
  • Tiredness
  • Trouble falling or staying asleep
  • Trembling
  • Being easily startled
Read More (source) Here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

hum drum.

When I feel like sharing something with someone I feel like I share the most awkward information. It's like uh wth do you reply to that? People don't know what to say most of the time we turn to 'them.they.those' people with all the answers and cliche life quotes.

Monday, January 3, 2011

I want to

  • write
  • teach
  • learn
  • explore
  • love
  • expand
  • trust
  • smile
  • feel
  • laugh
  • share
  • paint

Sunday, January 2, 2011


i am the hate. the biggest denigrate. misinformed madness, she has no faith. they have no love. she has no trust. they'll look pass her eyes and continue the fuss. the bust down hoes, high heels, and low pride. money money rump shaker, tears burnt up inside. laying there wishing it'll all come to an end. dreaming of redemption for this life of sin. sinister eyes yes we all like to pray. sleeping with anger and guilt everyday. promotion promotion they'll find new ways, to enter her chamber of organs left astray. timid torrents balled up into a fist. life-sucking leeches making folks sick. spiritual molecules dwelling up inside. shirley temples of pleasure and joysticks for the ride. directions are obscure because no.one really knows. but how can we see shit, whilst in plain clothes. many moons, moods, and all types of motivation. nomadic memories with none type of relations. calculate calculate it all down to a factor, for children were born free but enslaved right after. just-us, just-us remember that pin? keep trying to escape but boomeranged back in. selfish sacrifice, middle finger in the air. struck down from heaven what a precious solitaire.