Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tyler, The Creator.

Best Mix-tape that I listened to in 2010 so far.
Download today if you are not aware of this greatness.

Yes, I Know..

I write to much.
What can I say?
I love writing.
It's my destiny.

It's why I'm still working on my Rhymes & shit if I'm going to be the greatest Female Lyricist after Lauryn Hill. HAHA? That's only a dream. Right now all I can do is write, progress and hopefully get better in the process. I don't want to end up like some of these 'Rappers' now that are jumping on beats with any type of flows and shit not making any sense with ass quality produced 'Music'. Just speaking my mind here. Everything is a learning process. Greatness isn't obtained over night or in a couple months. HAHA! Like patience it takes time & timing is everything.

P.S...I really really only posts b/c of me not for anyone else or any sort of recognition. So when I posts my link to my blog I'm not sure who reads it, or if anyone reads it at all....I'm just scratching an itch that needs to be scratched. But I thank you all (readers) for taking time out of your lives & reading a couple words or sentences from Me & I hope with each thought you may gain a sense of understanding. :shrugs shoulders:

Let it Flow...

I have to use the bathroom but I don't feel like getting up
It's about 5am & the news says it's about 51degrees right about now
The weather is supposed to start off sunny and then the sky shall be covered with clouds in the late afternoon
I'm not even tired well maybe a little bit but I don't feel like going to sleep just yet maybe after this posts im up watching my twitter timeline im not tweeting I feel no urge in tweeting now a days really well since a couple months ago when my phone was stolen bleblahblue I am also on Tumblr I made my tumblr back in June or May '09 and I never really used it only to reblog people shit and that's what I do now really or write quotes lyrics mainly from songs that im listening to at the moment b/c im always listening to music it's apart of keeping my heart pumpinggg err day oh yea back to tumblr there is this really annoying person on there that just reblogs pics and posts dumb shit just so people could reblog their shit or so people could like their shit like sit down gosh it's annoying i feel like unfollowing them but im such a nice person damn im such a nice person i can't be mean really only to certain people I guess but idk im not going into details I just hate mean things done to nice people maybe i just hate mean things idk im bipolar one minute im ok the next im depressed as fcuk like come on shits annoying i need help i know i do I've mentioned it plenty times before but w.e. I don't even know why im even typing this but w.e. music is playing and this dude has the AC on like come on I cant stop scratching my head it needs to be washed or maybe i need to grease my scalp i hate grease its so heavy i don't even take care of my hair oh and myself hamburgers i eat to many hamburgers but they are so goooood gosh its cold and i still have to use to the bathrooom I still want to disappear idk sometimes i dont want to have any friends and be left alone but i get lonely in my room sometimes I've always been the 'only' child writing in my notebook is what keeps me sane like I've menttioned before oh and this phone I guess ok im going to get up and use the bathroom and fall asleep finally maybe i hope that person stopped on tumblr...

Thursday, March 11, 2010


The sad thing about the situation was she never knew you. You never knew her. You were just two people fcking around with each other's company. Two signs within the same, Sign language was the name of communication. Penetration was the game. Ignorance. Stupidity is to blame. Had she known what she knows now. Stupid little girl mislead by a couple compliments & smiles. In search of affection. Soul searching. Souls festering. Damn right shorty was G'd up!

Plan B.

All hope was gone when the fetus was killed,
a life not asked of.
Taken when Plan A was no longer needed,
it's tactics failed.

Plan B was instilled in millions.
I'm still waiting for my light to shine so bright,
it blinds out the bad,
and opens up my third eye,
and more than 10% of my mind
to prosperity.

Can't move so still,
standing here so surreal.
Pains so numb,
it's hard to feel....
or hear anything
better yet understand...
every thing's foreign exchange.

Yes, I know right from wrong,
For I am not mentally incapable
My decisions are that of my own....

Decisions? My Own?
'Fruck ya expect from me?'
'Reality is Fake & Fakes the new Real
Nothings prescribed to me but taking a few pills.' -Budden

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Life, Liberty, & The Pursuit of Happiness.

Late night texting with a friend has lead me to write this...

"No one makes me angry, I love the feeling of being happy. Don't you?" That was her question to me that triggered my mind, thoughts and emotional reactions. Anytime I here, see, or read about this 'HAPPY' word I'm on edge because it upsets me how foreign this word is to me. "I wouldn't know what that feels like because most of the time I'm just this negative depressed person." my response. People don't know these different sides of me. Hey isn't life all about the pursuit of happiness? I envy happy people. How can one be happy all the time? or How can people appear to be happy all the time? I want to change but it's hard to when you cant. I TRY to pretend but I don't believe myself...& it isn't genuine at all..

I know I know I talk in circles. Same topics popping up like lil mama & ish. I apologize.