Hmm.

The sad thing about the situation was she never knew you. You never knew her. You were just two people fcking around with each other's company. Two signs within the same, Sign language was the name of communication. Penetration was the game. Ignorance. Stupidity is to blame. Had she known what she knows now. Stupid little girl mislead by a couple compliments & smiles. In search of affection. Soul searching. Souls festering. Damn right shorty was G'd up!

Plan B.

All hope was gone when the fetus was killed,

a life not asked of.

Taken when Plan A was no longer needed,

it's tactics failed.

Plan B was instilled in millions.

I'm still waiting for my light to shine so bright,

it blinds out the bad,

and opens up my third eye,

and more than 10% of my mind

to prosperity.

Can't move so still,

standing here so surreal.

Pains so numb,

it's hard to feel....

or hear anything

better yet understand...

every thing's foreign exchange.

Yes, I know right from wrong,

For I am not mentally incapable

My decisions are that of my own....

Decisions? My Own?

'Fruck ya expect from me?'

'Reality is Fake & Fakes the new Real

Nothings prescribed to me but taking a few pills.' -Budden

Life, Liberty, & The Pursuit of Happiness.

Late night texting with a friend has lead me to write this...

"No one makes me angry, I love the feeling of being happy. Don't you?" That was her question to me that triggered my mind, thoughts and emotional reactions. Anytime I here, see, or read about this 'HAPPY' word I'm on edge because it upsets me how foreign this word is to me. "I wouldn't know what that feels like because most of the time I'm just this negative depressed person." my response. People don't know these different sides of me. Hey isn't life all about the pursuit of happiness? I envy happy people. How can one be happy all the time? or How can people appear to be happy all the time? I want to change but it's hard to when you cant. I TRY to pretend but I don't believe myself...& it isn't genuine at all..

I know I know I talk in circles. Same topics popping up like lil mama & ish. I apologize.