Everyday Struggles.

2012-02-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

lets hold hands and ambush the white house

show the administrative's what life is all about

rugged and drained

our eyes hold so much pain

and our ankles are swollen from their chains.

click clack went the barrel

we'll kidnap the president's daughter

and then slaughter their family pets

all for the sake of our income tax

which one of my people want next?

when their sleeping

we'll sneak up in their dreams

give 'em nightmares of economic schemes

all for the love of coffee and cream.

$$$.

train daze.

2012-02-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

i know it as if my world isn't breathing. i could feel it in my bones. crowded subway rides with cluttered minds. i would enjoy sleeping beneath the stars, among the pretend to be lvrs. it'a been a long shift. here i stand on my own two feet...oh how i owe my soul my soul. astral projection, my heart is out of its mind for thinking outside itself. stop believing and everything shall come to pass. most mid-nights i wish i could explode into confetti. lets celebrate all rights reserved to the cycle of situations. my long to have an everlasting companion, shall be the continuance of existence. so extensive this conscious may be, i will not believe it. backs are turned so quickly. friends hit a dead end street and this shall be the end.

climate.

2011-12-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

'..the beauty of life - the pain never lasts...'

i love how temporary pain is. the reality in which our worlds briefly exist, feels everlasting; and the exaggeration of it all portrays the surrealism of it's being. if you can see the bigger picture, you are capable of underlining the puzzle pieces. the biggest of features start off very subtle and expand into realistic portraits. it's all around us. everything is a heavy load of crap and we can't stand being happy. every waking moment is history in the making. that last hour, is now the past. the mistakes we made last night, should not be considered as early morning issues. why can't we forgive ourselves? why is it so difficult to forgive and love each other? the question is why? why is the love we once shared now lost and forgotten?

the cycle of suffering is endless.

2011-10-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

half of you would love to restore shit back to it's original state, but thee other half totally disagrees and wants to forget it all. keep it pushing motherfucker. ego tripping in this motherfucker. looking back on things only delays the expansion process. what the hell does 'moving on' really mean? your mental compass is all tripped up, 'floating in and out of consciousness'.

simple.

2011-10-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

i am indeed a really simple minded person. i am not as deep as the ocean floors, nor am i as high as the solar system. everything is really rather simple, depending on which angle you're observing from. teach yourself how to cook. it's as difficult as you're thinking it to be. take that time for yourself. trust me, i am not sure about anything. should we be allowed to ask questions that we can't even answer? what do you believe in? answers are still very skeptical and hesitant. nothing even matters. nothing truly exist. what's the point of anything? none. there is absolutely no point of anything. i've come to an understanding that if my shoe lace is untied, or my hair is unkempt...it really doesn't matter. everything is temporary. make yourself as comfortable as possible while you're here, for it may be lost in the wind any second.

understand.

2011-09-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

in emptiness, lie's everything. every answer to every question. every dream, ever dreamed. every motion in every scene. silence is the highest of the high's. what is important? it is so easy to write something, re-read it and quickly scratch it out, with the same utensil you used to begin with. words are the origin of communication and we're all speaking different languages. communication can be so beautiful, even if we can only understand bits and pieces. it works both ways, and in all directions. there are so many things i still wish i could understand. especially the cycles that continuously repeat within my life-time. all answers come from within. the knowledge is there, but the principles are failingg at being applied. so the question is how can we really truly understand if things remain the same? it's all up to us. especially you and I.

2011-09-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

am i a horrible person? because i feel like it.

oh joy oh joy

2011-08-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

it’s another day on planet earth. far from the birth of my creation but thee whirl holes we’re facing..man things are far from complicated. we just make ‘em seem so…soo…on and on and on. imagination and day dreams can take us to infinite places of peace of mind. nothing is really real. el oh el. what is she saying? what are they telling us? I just hope it all becomes clear because there’s just so much mis(t).(ery).(education).(understanding).(guidance).(interpretation).(conceptions) and it proceeds.,..but donate to my needs and comfort my dis(ease).

2011-07-05T17:06:00.001-07:00

...'words can not even express

this heavy boulder on my chest

and these panic attacks...fruck I think it's cardiac arrest...'

x&y - coldplay

2011-05-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

launDRY

2011-05-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

pages and pages

chapters and chapters

numbers, definitions, subtleties

serene empty spaces

filled with loving vibrations cycling throughout thought patterns.

flinch!

uncomfortable positions

undesired manifestations

but that smile...

raises all spirits.

questionable answers,

there are never stupid questions.

thee piano strikes again!

harmonic chords of irrational entities

why of course butterflies are beautiful...

is there any doubt?

2011-05-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

sleeping, reading a book, listening to music, or walking around outside really clears my head and takes me away from any recurring negative thought pattern I may have. technology makes me feels the loneliest.

cycle of ___

2011-05-21T06:13:00.000-07:00

cycle of it all, often I still find myself second guessing....everything. I know I really need to sit down with myself and ask a series of questions. we're on this quest for nothing and something. the universe acts upon our thoughts, so the point of power is always in the present moment. stop complaining and deal with the truth. often I am so far out of reach, gurus pick up my denial before any mirror can. daydreams searching for 'the god light' and the 'satori' in the middle of Chinatown. wisdom fails to manifest and the knowledge is stranded. your list of desires, dreams, hopes, ceased hearts, start reacting like a chain of domino's..and the feeling that's left is empathetic yet uncertain.

world: daydreamer won't you hurry along. your shoelaces are untidy and you're stranded all alone, on an infinite journey.

any idea...what it is you truly desire?

persona: you see i'm searching for something so uplifting, time itself will no longer exist.

world: my child, sometimes people are closer to the shore than they realize, but sail out farther from their senses.

2011-05-09T12:49:00.001-07:00

"what's good with being the one, if you're the only one who knows it?"

_J. cole

every single day

2011-05-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

People should realize how great and truly magnificent they are. You know what really bothers me? The roles our environments, society, and social media play within our lives. The level of influence that takes place within our subconscious, is irrational. We are all born great! There is no doubt about that! At what age does self doubt and feelings of unworthiness start crawling into the picture? History really screwed us up! Everyone of us are victims of victims. Things have to change. Our children are growing up doubting their very greatness because parents/guardians are only reiterating their childhood, leaving one’s full potential a mystery. Imagine how great the world would be, if as children we were taught to love ourselves & in return we were loved unconditionally? Amazingly B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L-L.

hello may 1st

2011-05-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

how are you doing? seems as if time is a distant passenger aboard a train. very interesting critter I've come across, but there is still no real connection. when I turn my head, my future romance has disappeared. far out of reach, my conscious starts to preach...

'seems like time is soaring by...

as I stand here, bad posture and all

mistakes aren't subjected to be corrected -

but recognized and separated,

reasonably embraced and transfigured.'

peach tree peach tree peace tree. realize the balance beam in which all bodies are present and restore any abnormalities. I'll love like no other (at least I'll try). the end of twenty-four hour drives are not to be found outside, so keep on cruising.

until 12am

2011-04-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

until the ink runs out -

until the soul is no longer in stitches -

until the pain melts away -

until hope is restored and love is reborn beneath a banana tree.

Happiness is bananas.

Momma said that things will manifest at the right moment!

I will hold on and believe and live for the love within me.

songs for bitches.

2011-04-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

Fruck! I think you’re beautiful. I believe you’re absolutely stunning. Sometimes when i’m stressed or depressed as shit, it’s your illuminating smile I dream of BITCH. I believe you were hand picked and sculpted into perfection, by the universe itself no interception. Everyday I meditate and in my deep form of relaxation, it’s your sweet touch of tenderness that’s so captivating. Teddy pendergrass believed it…’Life is a song worth singing’ and baby my diaphragm is screaming. Al green felt it; A womans love so strong and heart so weak, she snaps and now the casket speaks. But I understand you’re not ready for love, but who’s asking? Bitch I demand your hand in marriage. Now accept this 24 carrot. Excuse my language but you’re driving me crazy. Why aren’t you try’na give me the time of day sweet lady? Maybe I’m not good enough and maybe I should give up - this bitch ain’t try’na share this love up in my cup. FRUCK!

...

2011-03-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

everyday I'm really trying to hold on but this existence is slipping from my palms.

Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay

2011-03-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

We deserve to smile.

2011-03-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

Having more faith, bigger dreams and designing minds to be happy as we would like them to be. These things aren't impossible. That line we draw in the sand for ourselves that we’re so skeptical of crossing is the only thing that’s holding us back. Our reflection can be our biggest enemy in which we have to overcome.

Silently obsessing over things I can't have.

2011-02-26T17:50:00.000-08:00

Silently obsessing over things I want to p-o-s-s-e-s-s.

Anxiously numb.

Anxiously numb.

This is only a temporary tantrum.

Obscene objects mess with the balance beams of direct thoughts.

Hello & Farewell.

Ollie

2011-02-25T12:35:00.001-08:00

Why are you always disappearing?

cloudy.

2011-02-25T08:01:00.000-08:00

Cloudy brain filled with clotted veins

why doesn't anyone want to dance slow in the rain?

Cotton mouth when there's not much to say

confused and dazed on this cloudy day.

Woke up staring at the ceiling with

tidal waves running throughout my memories.

That soothing rush of pleasure

knocking over scabs that start to fester.

Some unholy war that we're fighting

a bunch of black knights,

loaded with darker hearts, eyes and fist.

And so fighting began with the flick of a wrist.

Cupids were gutted and hung

while enlightened folks lost their tongues.

What was this great cloud that hung above the world?

Are we beneath or above?

Transcending h-u-m-a-n-s -

Look up in the sky, awaiting the multicolored dove to fly by

and then they'll say their last goodbyes.

Will anyone notice?

I doubt self absorbed greedy monkeys will

so that cloudy feeling they'll contiune to feel.

sulking.

2011-02-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

I see I must the one that suffers the most within this optical lens.

I see I'm the one always on the outside of the inside jokes.

I see I'm not meant to have anyone or anything.

I see that I'm doomed to myself.

As my birth, my reincarnation shall be alone.

I wish there was someone to walk with as I take this journey

But there is no one to hold my hand. (people tend to let go)

Wait! There is this energy that I can't see or feel but it's there.

Something I must believe in, in order to feel wholesome.

Questionable existence constantly floods my mind.

2011-01-29T20:08:00.001-08:00

forsaken & foreshadow

2011-01-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

victorious.

2011-01-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

an eye for eye and we'll be looking out for each other.

magic wand magic wand rescue my rotten mind.

Tis the fruit we picked from the tree, the tree.

high high high above the monkey bars we swing from vines.

money is no good here.

are we fools?

broke and humble

rich and confused

dream big she yells!

are we sell outs?

sitting there sucking up the air, like an abandoned chair, no remorse lives over here.

each and every eye will watch you die die die, no lie!

2011-01-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

competition - competition

2011-01-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

yo you better than us?

than me, I, we?

I apologize I can't compete with Beautiful.

Lucid Dreams.

2011-01-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

Obsession with wishful thinking

Silent seizures surrenders blinking

Thrust your hips to the sound of

computer clicks -

Imaginary chips -

Click Clack Click Clack

Split Splat Split Splat

Oh!

Ye solemnly swears that was the last.

Ye fib tellers chow down on glass.

The children have vanished into the night,

no longer at peace with guidelines.

Hum drum drunk towns

We lounge around

To the bass, tambourines and serene colors.

All is love, love is all.

Good Vibes; Good People.

2011-01-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

///
Honestly that’s all you need to have a good time. Time is irrelevant. Live for the moments. Wake up and be hap.pee to see another day. I don’t believe in plans and I make moves based off a ‘feeling’. Be spontaneous. Surprise yourself and other people. LoveLoveLove. Forever love the laughs within the moments, forever love the people your sharing these laughs with and forever love thyself for it all. Everything is JUST. Make due with what you posses and the rest is JUST…

Enjoy & Embrace it all.

Ash Trays.

2011-01-12T11:42:00.000-08:00

Garbage cans stay full of semi-used paper towels. Mama threatens not to buy anymore. Flames continuously burn underneath the kettle, while midnight stares out the window. Air is crisp and paper thin. Thoughts ride along the edge of window panes in search of a new home. Ink plays in ten different fingers from evening - until - for.ever. Cellular phones ring not very often, except for the child's which contains voice mails and a couple scattered text. Drug stores, supermarkets and hallways satisfy the little freedom desired. Click, click, click. Routine, routine, routine. Spoons are attached to teacups, and teacups are always letting of steam. Sneezing and freezing are far to familiar. How can chivalry be dead if oven doors are constantly open? They are always amongst these people and these people are outsiders. She prefers light, while she wrestles with the dark. Cyber chats transform into welcome mats and socializing airports. Many different trips are taken in an instant. Dumbbells accumulate cobwebs as well as promises. Locks are turned, eyes are droopy and aches begin to come alive. Volumes are controlled and televisions become silenced. They lay their in a daze, hoping all becomes numb.

Still Here

2011-01-12T11:30:00.000-08:00

I've been scared and battered.

My hopes the wind done scattered.

Snow has friz me, sun has baked me.

Looks like between 'em

They done tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'---

But I don't care!

I'm still here.

Written by; Langston Huges

Something In The Air - Thunderclap Newman

2011-01-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

Call out the instigators
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Lock up the streets and houses
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Hand out the arms and ammo
We're going to blast our way through here
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together
Now

2am keen eye.

2011-01-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

Serene scene.

Gaze into oblivion sky's, for the beholder lays in thy pupils eyes. The eyes: window to the soul in which the deepest of hallow beliefs live and die in the cornea. Oh how dead beat dreams live to corner ya...

Raisin in the sun basking in thy honey dew, we baked away. We were ready to slit our wrist after falling in love beneath an apple tree. Leaves piled high above our heads, squirrels danced around our magnetic aura. Our dreams were hallucinations. We were tripping in and out of our world and theirs. People chose not to comprehend so they started demolishing our dreams. Destruction began and our little bit of happiness crumbled quick, quick,quickly...

As I lay me down to sleep, I pray our souls try to reach. That place where we were once filled with glee, eternal sunshine on top of we. If we die before we wake, I pray for ever lasting slumber underneath the apple tree for heaven's sake!

Sunset.

2011-01-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

Soothing Rhythms Pounce
Cozy Chamomile Tea Leaves
Elements Combine

Anxiety & I.

2011-01-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

I am a very anxious person. I'm suffering from depression and anxiety. People just think I'm over-dramatic most of the time and I admit it I can be, but I just panic when pain is around. I am in pain every single day. I go to sleep in pain and wake up in pain. I feel like something is trying to kill me. Everyday I feel like it's the end, I'm kicking the bucket. This is another reason I'm so withdrawn from a lot of things and people. I'm worried all the time. When I'm all the train I'm worried about passing out and ruining other people's day. Sounds crazy I know but I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't want to make people suffer and I don't want people sulking all over my Facebook wall. I'm suffering from a disease that's doing away at me. Besides I'm cynical I don't believe most people just pretend to care. Just today proves it. I wake up and see a missed call so I call back.

Me; Hello

Person: Hello

Person: Are You Alright

Me: I'm fine

Person: But are you ok I heard this blahblah

Me: I'm fine

Person: oh alright. Listen Can I claim you on my income tax?

See people don't really care as they make themselves 'appear' or 'sound'. New Year, same problems. Ollie just face it you are deliriously metal. You need to be evaluated. Doctors think your totally a nut job and that your always on some sort of a drug. It's never drugs. Obviously nothing is actually real it's all just symptoms of schizophrenia. Yes we have a name for it. We'll prescribe you some purple & pink pills and you shall be normal again. Wouldn't you want to fit in? Stop all this non sense. It's all just pathetic excuses on why you can't cope with reality. We all suffering Ollie. You are not the only one. Man up and stop crying like a little baby. Truth hurts doesn't it? ButButBut I'm still alive? It's all still real, right?

Anxiety.

2011-01-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school. In people with GAD, the worry often is unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person's thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships.

What Are the Symptoms of GAD?

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
An unrealistic view of problems
Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
Irritability
Muscle tension
Headaches
Sweating
Difficulty concentrating
Nausea
The need to go to the bathroom frequently
Tiredness
Trouble falling or staying asleep
Trembling
Being easily startled

hum drum.

2011-01-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

When I feel like sharing something with someone I feel like I share the most awkward information. It's like uh wth do you reply to that? People don't know what to say most of the time we turn to 'them.they.those' people with all the answers and cliche life quotes.

I want to

2011-01-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

write
teach
learn
explore
love
expand
trust
smile
feel
laugh
share
paint

map.quest

2011-01-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

i am the hate. the biggest denigrate. misinformed madness, she has no faith. they have no love. she has no trust. they'll look pass her eyes and continue the fuss. the bust down hoes, high heels, and low pride. money money rump shaker, tears burnt up inside. laying there wishing it'll all come to an end. dreaming of redemption for this life of sin. sinister eyes yes we all like to pray. sleeping with anger and guilt everyday. promotion promotion they'll find new ways, to enter her chamber of organs left astray. timid torrents balled up into a fist. life-sucking leeches making folks sick. spiritual molecules dwelling up inside. shirley temples of pleasure and joysticks for the ride. directions are obscure because no.one really knows. but how can we see shit, whilst in plain clothes. many moons, moods, and all types of motivation. nomadic memories with none type of relations. calculate calculate it all down to a factor, for children were born free but enslaved right after. just-us, just-us remember that pin? keep trying to escape but boomeranged back in. selfish sacrifice, middle finger in the air. struck down from heaven what a precious solitaire.

Ello.

2011-01-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

care.full

2010-12-29T09:49:00.000-08:00

Born underneath the sun, iamheated. My skin is pale it doesn't glow so my soul doesn't shine. Are you happy for me? Nay. I can not be happy for anyone. We are all objects of affection, when it's needed. Modern day hell we've walking in to the slumps of swamp creeks and tussled with the reindeer's of the forest. When do you notice your heart beat? Are you self aware? I fall asleep with my hand on my chest every single night. My commentary is exhausting. Are you ready to die? Well not just yet. When will stop all this self abuse? Soon.We are born with wings but most just shrivel up and fall off as we progress physically,mentally and spiritually. Time machines will never be built because revenge isn't worth anything. Again, why are you so stuck on nothing if it's nothing? We shouldn't have to be in any of this alone.

mad.house

2010-12-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

Did you know that she has potential to do anything she wants? Anything at all. She's beautiful. She's brilliant but vaguely unaware. Most of the time she's in denial. They are all in denial. This isn't about me,you or anyone. This is about the whole and the bits & pieces. The precious skin we are within. It's true. You know? The ones you least expect to love you with every molecule they posses...are infatuated from a distance. Sometimes the distance is abridged. Now what do you do? You runaway of course. They say secrets aren't meant to be kept between lovers, but some people have graves and closets spilling over. I can picture it all and it's all a fantasy within my realm. Don't worry child you'll be alright. As soon as you hit puberty it becomes clear(er). From the very second you walk into the room and not a word is spoken, until pinnacle of all the highest mountain top you reach, you can have it all. Do you want it? She's so unsure and uncertain.

Less.than

2010-12-27T21:28:00.001-08:00

Nothing.

Nothing is > than no one.

Nothing is that sign of relief when panic attacks.

Just nada.

Options. Choices.

Everyone's no.one.

Someone's everyone.

Black

Black

Black

Why do we start to fade?

Wanka.

Hope is in...

Garbage bags you're about to drop off.

Don't mind me, I don't mind.

It seems..

2010-12-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

..as if there will always be a need for more. An empty void that needs filling. It seems like in the eye of the storm our fears get the best of us and some just vanish. Satisfaction? I don't think it exist. Quality over quantity. In some basket cases' quantity over quality. Above all, women are really vulnerable in the arms of hope. We(the people) are led astray and the domino effects are endless. I say no, but you want a yes. Shall I replace my nose? (haha) Everything is surrounded by SKIN. Misery hovers over her head but no one wants to keep her company. The love, oh the love is always available but never really visible because there is no such thing as good. Cynicism is worn around her belly as a belt and the Jam. Oh the Jam keeps it all together like interlocked fingers. You are a mystery. I feel like I don't know you. Whose to toss the Frisbee back and fourth with me? Gravity hurts....so stop pulling me down.

Happy Holidays.

2010-12-27T16:18:00.000-08:00

Blame Game.

2010-12-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

Who's to blame for our parents mistakes? We blame their parents. We blame their environments. We blame whoever they were raised by and where ever they were raised. When our mother's aren't as nurturing as nature intended...How are we supposed to turn out? There's just too many thoughts I can not gather to complete this written 'thought'.

Real Talk.

2010-12-22T21:56:00.000-08:00

I’m far from the happiest person but I like to promote positivity. (As best as I could). I read, I listen, I acknowledge, and I rewrite. Most the time I’m down as shit but hey that’s just shit I have to get over/ trying to get over. I asked my mother what she wants for Christmas and she said nothing but her health. Something we should all want. We should practice loving ourselves and loving each other. Who else is going to do these things? It’s sad that on a daily basis we’re constantly putting each other down on some immature/ignorant/closed minded/arrogant shit. We are living, growing and learning with time. It’s all an experience why can’t it be a joyous one? I know, I know everything isn’t a walk in the park…but you get what I’m saying. Fruck man stop screwing with a fucked mind state. Spread the love.

Holidays.

2010-12-22T20:36:00.001-08:00

I am not a selfish person. I have selfish tendencies sometimes & I blame my moms. Our house is divided...and it's been like this for as far back as I can remember. It even goes as far as she has a fridge in her room. Everything I buy is for me and everything she buys is for her. I dare not ever ask her for shit. My survival is really questionable butt I find a way. Well the point of this is it feels good to actually be able to buy loved ones gifts this year. I'm not even expecting anything in return, haven't in a long time and will continue to do so. It just feels good. Yo no matter what the conversation it always ends with a $$. smh man

Purple - Dilla

2010-12-20T09:39:00.001-08:00

Moody.

2010-12-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

I don't think people understand how rapidly my mood can change. Shit I still don't understand it myself. People always trying to hang out and I just can't hang out most times. That's something people just don't understand and I can't explain myself. I don't even know why people like me...most times.

2010-12-15T19:02:00.001-08:00

The cameras are disposable but the memories are forever.

2010-12-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

Just a picture from the film developed. I love the looks of this.

2010-12-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

Moon Shoes.

Midnight In A Perfect World - Dj Shadow

2010-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

I love you.

2010-12-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Every single time I hear this out my mother's mouth I cringe. Shit anytime I hear it out anyone's mouth. It's never been a favorite 'phrase' of mine. Anytime it's spoken from my mouth it doesn't feel 'very' genuine. It's more like a in the moment type of thing, a returned compliment. Damn it. What's wrong with me. I love cookies. I love music. I can say that easily. But whenever it involves another human being. Maybe because I can't quite love myself my love for everyone else just isn't there like I hope it would be. It's there but not really. Does that make sense? bleblahblu.

The Universal Power Never Judges or Criticizes

It only accepts us at our own value. Then it reflects our beliefs in our lives. If I want to believe that life is lonely and that nobody loves me, then that is what I will find in my world.
However, if I am willing to release that belief and to affirm for myself that ''Love is everywhere, and I am loving and lovable,'' and to hold on to that new affirmation and to repeat it often, then it will become true for me. Now, loving people will come into my life, th e people already in my life will become more loving to me, and I will find myself easily expressing love to others.

Book; You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.

Well A.where

2010-12-11T15:41:00.001-08:00

eye like a tiger; speed of lightning

It's sad that 'we' (as in the human race) are always ending up like something/someone we once hated. It's sad that 'we' tend to do the opposite of our complaints. 'We' tend to talk a lot of jibberish but situations really test our actions and actions speak louder than words. 50% of the time we're caught up like a deer in the headlights and rely on peer pressure to influence these actions. I mean 'we' want to do the opposite, we even try telling ourselves. 'No. Feet move forward not backwards.' Even though the past is a bucket full of ashes it's hard escaping those buckets. They are everywhere! These things just make people & their lives questionable.

2010-12-11T15:03:00.001-08:00

Frio x Gabby. OG homies.

Demonic Forces.

2010-12-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

Come forth at Midnight.

De Face.

2010-12-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

This is the faces I seen. el oh el I got lazy.

I really wish I could draw or paint sometimes.

Image by Malaika Aminata

Free Thought(s) - mono.tistic

2010-12-11T11:07:00.001-08:00

I don't care.

I do but I don't.

Can you share?

I could but I won't.

Why so scared?

Because we are made to love out of fear(s).

A bunch of shit laughs exhale out.

A bunch of phony breden brothers bask in it,

Exchange pounds and wear layers of it.

The keeper goes as far as 'it' is kept.

Under lock & key them tears have went

The soldier receives his Badge of honor.

Through the eyes of the outsiders they are heroic.

'Kill them all'

We thought we were awake in our dreams.

But Captain would come whisper in our ears late nights.

As if dreaming wasn't enough burdens on our subconscious minds

The demons lay awake fiddling with broken souls.

And plenty of our soles were worn out, broken , and falling apart.

Hopeful as the encouragement we've received in our first and last letters.

Names?

104, 96, 34, 67

Time?

Is of the feeling and it feels good to watch the sunrise and set.

Purpose?

Proof.

We need proof that we are alive.

It is the only tactic of survive we understand.

Everything else is strange.

to be continued...

Early this morning (3-4am)

2010-12-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

I was watching this really old movie about Santa Claus. It looked like something straight from the 60's or earlier in time. The storyboard was a typical 'Santa Claus Fairy Tale' type movie but the interesting part was the Devil was involved in this movie. I was just like O.o. Basically Santa was like a God. He rode 'round the world on his sleigh with his reindeer magically popping up in people's homes. (mad sus) He delivered Christmas gifts to the good kids & coal to the misbehaved ones. Typical Santa shit but everywhere this Santa went the Devil followed trying to Fruck shit up. The Devil would whisper in people's ears to get them to act of character (Sin). Rather interesting I must say. The last part I remember (before drifting off to sleep) was the the Devil actually almost ruined things for Santa and his career. He set Santa up & shit but the big homie got away. The message(s) they were trying to convey to the audience was Good vs Evil. Good things happen to Good people. Bad things happen to Bad people. (bull) There's is always going to be this battle between our inner demons & our outer ones. blahblahblah The movie was sending subliminal Biblical messages b/c you can not have a movie involving with the Devil and not have shit reference back to God.

Pictures.

2010-12-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

I love words but you know pictures are worth that thesis paper you have to present at the end of your college education. I used to own this cute little red camera a long time ago but took it to the beach it stopped working. :| The sand ruins everything, like the little bomb speaker I got from U.O. on $sale$. Well I often wish I had a camera. I love taking pictures always have. The only camera I have now is my shitty ass web camera & my cell phone camera (which actually takes excellent pictures). I don't even want one of those expensive rass cams b/c then ppl will try to call me 'another photographer?' yea... It would be nice to just have a little camera that takes decent pictures & decent HD videos. Tis All. Oh yea I need to get these pictures developed, when the cash is avail. -_-

Devil in A New Dress.

2010-12-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

Star Tears.

2010-12-07T22:40:00.001-08:00

Hello December 2010

2010-12-04T20:35:00.001-08:00

'Waiting on death to move up out the same chair.'

Shit Man Shit.

2010-12-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

My body's feeling like shit. Like this shit is constantly feeling like shit. I can't eat or drink anything without some sort of shit happening. It frucking sucks. I feel like I'm 90 years old or some shit. I should not feel like I'm dying every single day. It's like this shit is always trying to shut down. I'm grateful for waking up each day (sometimes). I just noticed I'm an apocalyptic dreamer. Shit is scray as fruck but interesting at the same time. Most times I wish I could either shit out or throw up all my problems but then I'll spend most my 'life' i n the bathroom el oh el.

blap

2010-11-29T20:14:00.000-08:00

I just want to be able to provide for those who have provided for me. I get so angry when I can't do the simplest things for people like get a birthday gift. I just want a steady income so I could take of myself & the ones I love.

'I live for the nights that I can’t remember,

with the people I won’t forget

spending all the money I just work my ass off

for doing things that I wont regret

I’ve been waiting way too long long long long'

-Drake (Show Me A Good Time)

I am the alpha and omega.

2010-11-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Lets have a toast to new beginnings. The older I get the less attachment I have to things and the easier it is for me to start over.

mobile uploads

2010-11-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

2010-11-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

When I'm depressed my thoughts are greater. I think I'm gonna sink.

boowho.

2010-11-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

I'm down for no apparent reason but this is nothing new. I make myself this way. I spend valuable time doing pointless things. I'm not even trying to think about the future, just grateful to wake up each morning. (It's what I hope for). I'm far from serious and my attention span is shorter than them little hairs growing back underneath your armpits that you can't quite shave(el oh el). My stomach fruckin sucks. My house sucks. Not looking forward to these fockers in this casa on Thursday. My phone sucks. I barely pay attention to it and so it stays on silent. Don 't text or call me I am thee worse(sometimes). It quite frustrating a lot of things. Day in and day out.

.-.

2010-11-23T18:32:00.001-08:00

Go To Sleep.

2010-11-21T23:14:00.001-08:00

HerFavColor

2010-11-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

We are one in the same

words painting pictures

keeping eyes and ears entertained.

fingers Interlocked

kinks Entwined

My King, you lay high up on my pedestal

each night I make love to your shrine.

Sacred lovely lips...

where only water falls of truth spill,

deep into hopeful rivers

of junior impressionable thrills.

Never mind these leather man jackets, high top fades, and below the rim belts

crushing up asphalt dreams

cigarillos sorta helped.

-dancing in between; time weaves -

Throw away calendars and clocks

and let us all

shimmy down dull dangerous blocks

where piles of leaves and leftover hearts lay astray

scattered, tossed about

Marco Polo they call out...

But soon he calls in to call out.

and they forget their place.

As well as the paste.

Saliva is present to save thy day.

Eddie Kendricks - Date With The Rain (disco mix)

2010-11-09T12:57:00.001-08:00

A Single flower in a Vase.

2010-11-09T12:55:00.000-08:00

Walking in the rain, I'm walking in the rain. Hiding my tears in the rain. I have a date with the rain.

Side Note:

2010-11-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

Just like objects can be replaced; People can as well. Fickle minded frucks. My words will anger you indeed because you'll think they're about you. I love mind frucking you all. Well it's hard forgetting and replacing those that have had an impact on your life...but it can be done.

Guidance.

2010-11-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

I pray to the universe each night and each morning. In need of guidance.

Spinal Fluids.

2010-11-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

Worries.

2010-11-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

Don't ever worry about me for I'll ALWAYS be OK. If I'm not OK...please still don't worry. Things are meant to happen and If I died tomorrow don't worry.

Q:

2010-10-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

A Blind man is forced to love the things he can't see, but those with site can't love the things that can be seen. Why is this?

From a distance.

2010-10-10T09:32:00.001-07:00

I wish you all love, peace of mind, and happiness.

Text.

2010-10-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Come explore thee cave of hidden dreams, wishes, hopes and love beams. Cold hearted on the surface it may seem, but deep down in her dark pits of fear, there's a love child hidden within. Not from the unmarried parents but a child filled with much love. Much love, much much love.

Dream Land.

2010-09-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

'Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.' -Tupac

Dreams will always serve as an escape route from reality. They sail you away far from reality for the time being. Hush little baby and close those eyes. Dream on and forever.

Don't mention it.

2010-09-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

All she could do was watch from a distance. Frustrated because there was nothing she could do. What could she do? It's unpleasant listening to them distant tears and watching loved one's in secret pain. Secluded pain. Hidden in a bottle, a box, or trunk. When they're alone they tend to open up these hidden secrets and sulk. Sink & sulk deep into the pain, it's penetrating. The pain one keeps to oneself. It's frustrating, sharing those secrets. Who really understands or cares to listen? Loved ones such as our parents try to stay strong around us. Parents put up the biggest front for the sake of a child's sanity. Everyday she wishes to save the world. Everyday she prays for the world.

Lesson Learned.

2010-08-26T21:10:00.001-07:00

The things people say out of anger are 100% out of anger. Their whole emotional state & mind state are totally off and most likely they don't really mean it. Just Sometimes one's pride should be set aside and mistakes realized. People should never just jump to conclusions based on their own point of view. The circumference of the circle (situation) should be measured first.

Mistake much?

2010-08-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

You ever thought you meet someone new and they're just really something different? Your unsure of feeling sat first but then you've grown attached to this person & oh Gosh you HATE getting attached to people. You hate opening up for people. All that feelings crap is just ugh annoying so yo rather keep to yourself. Until you've met that one person you're so comfortable with. Those dark secrets you have buried deep within your memories are now resurrected. Things you pledged to oneself you would never share with anyone else but oneself. Man oh Man as time progresses things always changing and therefore people are constantly changing. That person you once admired is nowcategorized and put into a folder shoved in a draw somewhere. I really thought you were someone different. Well, Something different. A part from the flesh we're covered in, your mind could look pass it all. I just don't understand. whatever im done.

=[

2010-08-23T20:35:00.001-07:00

I'm just so sad at this very moment.

Like A Bone I'm So Breakable.

2010-08-22T20:33:00.001-07:00

Standing real tall in these streets.

I am the man these men fail to see.

Constantly on the flee from each other

Eventually one brother will encounter another

And the lover faced with another.

Run away Run away keep on running.

Don't run with me.

I'm not sure where I'll end up.

One Rebulic - Prodigal

2010-08-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

2010-08-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

“There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. “ -Ralph Waldo Emerson…”

I tend to forget...

2010-08-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

That I have to just LIVE my life sometimes. No concerns. No worries. Who cares what people think? It is truly a waste of valuable time. Fruck psychics and palm readers. The Future isn't meant to be known. You can't see it. You can't predict it. You can't control it. But you can Prepare for it. How can someone tell us about a future we can't see? Things in life are meant to be figured out. The truth isn't meant to be seen. It's our job to find it. (For all seekers) Death is inevitable & we have to come into terms with life's contract one day. Everyone should just live their life ass freely as possible. Do the things you love. Be with the people you love. Be humble. Just Lovelovelove. Being stuck in any state of anger, melancholy, and fear is like a stick in the mud you never moving. Unless someone comes along and pulls you out. But since we are born into this world alone we have to do things for ourselves.

Crumbles.

2010-08-15T20:18:00.001-07:00

‘Oh that’s the way the cookie crumbles.’

Who is a strong believer in this saying? :raises hand: I know I am. It’s just a short answer to most of life’s questions and problems. No explanation needed. Everything is everything. Shit just happens. That’s how life goes. The direction in which the wind blows we’ll never know. This isn’t true. We can change things but changing our thoughts.

”Or you may have a different belief. Perhaps you’re not even aware of your belief. Most people really aren’t. They just see the outer circumstances as being the way the cookie crumbles. Until someone can show you the connection between the outer experiences and inner thoughts , you remain a victim in life. Whatever the problem is, it comes from a thought pattern, and thought patterns can be changed! No matter how difficult an issue we are dealing with, it is only an outer result or the effect of an inner thought pattern.” (Louise L. Hay)

LETS THINK GOOD THOUGHTS PEOPLE.

Chromeo - I Can't Tell You Why

2010-08-08T17:55:00.003-07:00

cuddle fuddle.

2010-08-08T17:55:00.001-07:00

I love feeling the sun shine down and grace my skin with Vitamin D. I hate when it’s too hot outside. I love the warm summer nights & the warm summer rain. As I’m writing these things I haven’t been outside in a couple days. For the past two days I would take a shower lather up and get dressed. Work on this nest sitting upon my head and get dressed. Getting dressed is where I stop. After I just sit around in my clothes or stare out the window observing the animals and people. (There are like a billion stray cats in my area now.) Uh I’m thinking these thoughts and trying to persuade myself you can step foot outside today all you have to do is get your ipod and be on your way. BUT like my weight my emotions are constantly fluctuating. It’s really annoying. Sometimes I don’t like moving until I have to. I give up on a lot of things before even trying.

CAN I PLEASE?

2010-07-20T00:45:00.001-07:00

Feel normal again ?

I wonder how she feels

2010-07-14T21:05:00.001-07:00

Acne

Stretch Marks

Unwanted hairs

Love handles

I wonder how she feels.

Short hair

Little butt

Tiny little breast

I wonder how she feels.

Dark skin

Scars

Big Feet

Old Clothes

I wonder how she feels.

No Kisses

No dates

No friends

I wonder how she feels.

Homeless

Fearful

Depression

I wonder how she feels.

Poetry

Secret cuts

Drunken nights

High times

I wonder how she feels.

Loneliness

Suicide

Death

They all wonder how she felt.

(Found in the back one my notebooks from H.S.)